Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Thoughts for the day

1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

4. There are 2 kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

5. Life is sexually transmitted.

6. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

7. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

8. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

9. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

10. Get the last word in; apologise.

11. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they wont bother you for weeks.

12. Some people are like slinkies.... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

13. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

14. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

15. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

16. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

17. Why does a slight tax increase cost you £200 and a substantial tax cut saves you £0.30?

18. In the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people taking Prozac to make it normal.

19. Politics is supposed to be the 2nd oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

20. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?


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